Sometimes I wish there was no such thing as death. If there was no such thing then I would have so many amazing people to relate to and cherish. I dont even know important people in my life... and I dont know if some of them would have even liked me if they were alive to this day. I wonder sometimes, what kind of person would I be if they were still alive? I'm sure they would. Family is family. I have talked alot to people about my Masseth side of the family. Not so much my Bruce side. My Bruce side I hear were great people... My Grandma was Isabella, Grandpa was Wallace. Such classy names. From what I knew of them they were classy people too. People who didnt have much but did they're best to support their family. My Grandpa died before I was born and my mom said he was an amazing guy. She talked about him tonight, tears in her eyes, how he was proud of her for working for Boeing. My mom and I have very diffrent views on many diffrent things... Its hard to communicate with her sometimes. Maybe its just a mother daughter difference thing. We just wont understand eachother until she's super old and I'm a mom. But whateve. I can live with that. Its my job to be the annoying rebelious young adult. I guess I cant say Teenager anymore since I'm not going to be a teen in a few months.
So the point of this blog is how I hate how when people die I never get to see them ever again. From what I know, almost all of my family wasnt a Christian. So my only true and desperate prayer in life is that somehow or another they'll get to heaven somehow... who knows how that will happen? I wanna know... My mom tells me my grandma loved me so much. But how could I know? I was just a new born. An infant when she died. I just wish I could remember her love a little. Just a little bit so I could appreciate her like my brother Robert, or cousin Sarah and my mom do. Honestly, it hurts just knowing I cant respect her in the same way. Its such a bummer. Same thing with my dad. Its just almost as if I never had a dad because I never hear or see anything about him. No one has many pictures of him... he's just gone. I'll never see any of them again. I hate death. Even though my death will mean happiness eternally in heaven... I hate the death that sinners face. I hate the mystery of who I'll meet in Heaven. Will I see these family members again? Or will I then know if they're in Hell. My mind is all twisted up I guess. What kind of sick person thinks like this? Esspecially a Christian? But I seriously, I want to know... Now. I dont want to wait. I want to know now.
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