winter time blues.

 Rob And Amanda

 Ficken Guys

Joy and DeWayne Ficken

Angel

 My mama!!

So this is super depressing and I could just be in a funk because I'm super tired. Everything when you are tired is amplified. Just had a conversation with my soon to be "sister in law" on facebook. She was talking about her wedding to my brother later this year. She seems nice and I thought I really liked her but this kind of turned me off... she was talking about her bridesmaids and the dresses and didnt even ask if I wanted to be in the wedding. I'm his sister. He's known me all my life. Changed my diapers when I was a baby. Let me sit on his lap and drive his car in Puyallup by the river. What the heck? Why the heck wouldnt I be included? She has 200 people from her side of friends and family coming to the wedding and she cant even have me in her wedding. I'm not important, I guess. Sure, I dont see them often but I would have never thought to keep Rob out of my wedding. So eff her. Eff my family. No one takes time to come visit me... I think my mom is really the only one who even takes time to call me to see how I am. If I died they wouldnt be burdened much. Be sad for a while but then they'd just get over it and forget about me. It feels like Steves family cares about me more then my own. That. Is. So. Messed. Up. Thank God for Jesus keeping me together for the past 21 years of my life. Who knows what would have happened if I had to deal with this on my own. This is what I am to my brother. For Christmas I get a 25 dollar card to Cabellas! Sure thats nice, unless its a regift and he got it from his boss and he wants me and Steve to share it. Screw that. I spent time looking for something nice for his SON, 2 DAUGHTERS, GIRLFRIEND AND HIM!! They weren't super special things but I took the time to find something semi what nice for them. I just feel like such a second hand peice of the family. My aunt, cousins, screw them too. None of them really care either. Its just me. I'm the out cast of the family. 

Some people have it much worse then I. Some people deal with this kind of stuff times a thousand and dont have Jesus to help keep their head on they're shoulders. What is this world coming to? I never thought I would have this much dis function going on in my family.

I feel lucky to have atleast these people.